So some of you may have read that back in January that I quit dating, I’d hung up my freshly pressed shirts, stopped ironing creases into my jeans, and returned the Lynx Africa to the bathroom cabinet. After cough cough, look over there, near 20 years on and off of dates I’d had enough.
I’ve had a few questions as to why, well the answer is that I couldn’t take another disappointing dinner of stilted silence, drinks that went nowhere other than promises to call and neither of us doing it, enough of liking someone that didn’t want to see me again, of not liking someone that did like me and trying to find a way to say thanks but no thanks without sounding like a patronising dick.
The last couple of weeks before the resignation had been the worst, in a month I’d had a stalker who kept ringing in the wee hours of the night, an offer of “bathroom” fun and the one girl I did truly like turned out to be married and looking for not just something on the side, but a live in lover to move in with her and her husband.
I really did sit one night and think was it all worth it, where had I got, I was 35 and had a bucket load of stories to entertain my friends about my experiences but it left me feeling hollow. It’s hard to explain, but I just felt empty, you can’t help but invest not just time, but putting part of yourself out there comes with it. The rejections time after time chip away at confidence, at the feeling of how you regard yourself, of who you are.
I wasn’t dating as a form of self validation, I was just having fun and seeing where lifes roads took me, but actually self validation became an issue. When you have 5 dates in 3 weeks with different people (yes it was Tinder) and don’t get a call back, or if you do have contact its that the’d already met someone it does make you think about yourself negatively.
As for how it’s gone, I feel so much better, I feel happier, more confident, more at one with myself. I have lots of free time, and I’m able to pursue the things I want. It’s been life changing, Maybe the right person is out there but it won’t be from swiping right most likely.